Roles and Goals

If you always do what interests you, at least one person is pleased- Katherine Hepburn


It is 10:40 at night on Wednesday and it is my night to blog. I am just sitting down to write and I better hurry as my AOTP friends on the east coast will be getting up for the day in about an hour. Luckily, Samantha is blogging tomorrow and she is on the west coast of the mainland, so there should be a few hours in between blogs. Isn’t it grand being half way around the planet?

It is not procrastination which has kept me away from writing my blog tonight, but commitments. During my teenage and college years I became committed to my own needs and the needs of my family. Somehow after marriage and children there was a shift, and everyone else’s needs came before my own, and sometimes even before my family’s needs. Criminal, isn’t it? What changed my desire from meeting my goals to assisting everyone else with their goals? Is it a need to be liked or feel included? The answer to that is a resounding “no”. So, why do I feel the need to help everyone? It is good to help, to a point. Where do we draw the line?

Lately, I have been out of sorts, full of anxiety, and just completely discombobulated. As I spent five hours cleaning up the home-school-disaster-area today, I had a little conversation with myself. Writers often do that. At least I hope they do. I am not crazy, am I?

I said to myself “What is going on with you!!!! Why is your life and your house such a mess? Where is all your time going, why can’t you seem to get anything done?” So I pondered these questions for a while and I think I have found my answer.

Commitments. What commitments have I made to occupy my time? I thought about all of the things that I do during my day. I won’t bore you with the details, but my day was filled with quite a bit of stuff I neither cared about nor wanted to do. So, why then was I doing all of these things? Excellent question. I really shouldn’t be doing any of them. So, if I shouldn’t be doing those things, what should I be doing? Are you still with me?

I needed to figure out what my roles were in life and what goals I want to achieve. Then I would know what I should be doing with my time!

Role #1 Wife - Goal: Be a supportive & loving wife. - Actions: Lots of hugs, good listening, nookie, hot meals, and a nice clean house. (Guys are easy to please)

Role # 2 Mom - Goal: Be an excellent example and loving teacher. - Actions: Love, hugs, good listening, play every day & firm discipline.

Role # 3 Teacher - Goal: To provide my children with an excellent education until they can attend a quality school. - Actions: Prepare adequately, foster learning and motivation, and be patient (that one is really hard for me).

Role #4 Writer - Goal: to write a complete novel and foster relationships with my fellow writers. - Actions: Write every day and support my on-line writing friends.

Role #5 Sister, Daughter, and Friend - Goal: Provide love and friendship - Actions: Be readily available to those who need me.

OK, so where does it say anything about serving on boards and committees, organizing field trips, sewing all my kids clothes, watching all the older kids at the chapel during meetings, being the testing coordinator for all of the military home-schoolers on the island, training and competing in Triathlons with my neighbor, and coaching swimming? Nowhere. So why am I spending hours and hours everyday working in these activities if they do not meet my personal goals? I do not know either. Perhaps I am too soft hearted and I do not want to disappoint people when they need assistance. But, what about disappointing my family, or myself? Is that selfish? Do we need to be a little selfish to complete our goals in life.

The other day I said “writers write.” What about the writer that doesn’t write? Are you being true to yourself, your roles in life and your goals? What I have written tonight seems like a big whine session, which absolutely was not my intention. It was more of an epiphany of sorts, a breakdown to the simplest form of what my life is about and where it should be focused. I wanted to share it with you because I do not want you to be as far off track as I have become. I hope you can define your own roles, what goals you want to achieve for these roles, and find the actions you need to meet your goals.

Good luck, and may your foster the writer and all the other roles within.